Ghost Diaries 1_Gigi's Guardian_Paranormal Romance Page 22

  “In Antigua, the sister of a friend of mine had an abortion. She was the minister’s daughter and the baby’s father was married to someone else. She went to one of the women who do such things and she almost bled to death.”

  “Abortion’s not like that any more. You’d be in a hospital with a qualified doctor and it’s only a minor operation.”

  Gigi turned round to face her. “This isn’t minor for me. I read about what they do in the papers. The baby ends up as a heap of bloody tissue thrown into an incinerator to be burned. No one knows whether it would feel any pain or not.”

  “But it is only like a cyst or an appendix at the moment. You wouldn’t worry what happened to your appendix, would you?”

  Gigi looked at her. “Do you truly believe an appendix is the same as a baby?”

  Jane hesitated. “Part of me wants to, but I was brought up to think differently. We all were. I’m not the best person to ask, because I’ve never made such a big decision myself.”

  “Would you get rid of Tommy’s child?”

  “Of course not!”

  “What if he wouldn’t marry you?”

  “I’d keep the baby to remind me of him.”

  “I don’t pretend to love James, as you love Tommy, but this child is part of me. Bits of my mother and father, my brother and grandparents are inside it, all mixed up. He won’t be the first bastard to grow up in Antigua, or even in our family,” Gigi said viciously.

  “What will you do?”

  “I’ll go home, unless James comes up trumps and what do you think the chances of that are?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “I am. He’ll want me to have an abortion, so he can wash his hands of the whole thing. My mother is a real bitch at times, but she won’t desert me. My grandmother wouldn’t let her for a start. One of my cousins got into trouble about three years ago. Her father didn’t speak to her for ages, but she kept her son and she’s still living at home. I won’t need to survive on my own.”

  “You’re lucky. I don't know how my parents would react. Badly, I think.”

  “Being pregnant might make them accept your marriage to Tommy.”

  Jane shook her head. “If anything, something like this would drive them further away. They suspect I am having sex, but they're not sure. I’m not going to put things to the test.”

  “Well, I have to.”

  “Tell James and Finn first, though, won’t you? You never know, they may be pleased and everything will turn out fine.”

  “Pigs might fly. I’ve no idea how Finn would react, but I’ll bet you any money James will be horrible. When I tell my mother, you’ll be able to watch the fireworks from here.”

  “I wish I could do something to help you.”

  “You already did. I needed you tonight. I’m going to again, right after I break the news to everyone.”

  “With the gin!”

  “Or whisky or brandy.” Gigi gave a watery laugh. “I’ll need Dutch courage for sure.”

  “It’s strange,” Leilani observed. “I wonder why she hardly mentioned Finn, when she’s still sleeping with him.”

  “She’s made up her mind Finn can’t be the father, because she had so much sex with James at the critical moment. She doesn’t want Finn to be saddled with decisions about James’ child. She’s wrong, the baby is Finn’s,” I told her.

  “How do you know?”

  “Intuition.”

  “Intuition can be unreliable.”

  “Not this time!” I was absolutely positive.

  “If the baby’s Finn’s anyway, why does it matter who Gigi marries?” Leilani asked.

  “The old argument about environment and heredity. James believes having money is the most important thing in life. Finn will never be rich, because he always puts his hand in his pocket, if someone is short of cash. Gigi's got to marry Finn, so the baby will dedicate her life to helping others, not chasing after big bucks. My job is only half done and the important part is left to do.”

  “I see.” Leilani still looked puzzled.

  “I must try to get into her dreams again and reinforce the idea of marrying Finn. She won't let me at the moment.” I crossed my fingers for luck. I think Gigi doesn’t want anyone to share her unhappiness, even her oldest friends.

  14th March 1967, Thursday, London.

  The next day, Gigi plucked up the courage to ring James at work. “It’s me, Gigi. I need to speak to you.”

  “Oh? You’ve avoided me for weeks. What’s suddenly changed your mind?”

  “I can’t tell you over the phone. I’ll be in the Red Lion when you finish work, waiting for you.”

  “You’re taking a lot for granted…” he started to say, but Gigi had already hung up.

  “What’s all that about?” one of his colleagues asked.

  James was wondering himself, but he just answered, “An ex-girlfriend. Probably wants us to get together again. She was too clingy and I’m glad to be out of the whole thing.”

  James didn’t believe his own words; Gigi wasn’t the type to beg for him to come back to her. His male ego had been dented when she wouldn’t return his calls. She was the first girl ever to stand him up. He'd always been the one to end a relationship before. Curiosity won. He decided to go because, if she did want him back, she was wonderful in bed. He’d make her suffer a little at first, of course. The thought of pregnancy did cross his mind fleetingly, but Gigi had been on the Pill, which was supposed to be foolproof. He was unprepared for her announcement, as Ivan told me later.

  Gigi waited anxiously until he arrived, sipping a glass of shandy to calm her nerves. She didn’t dare drink anything stronger, because she wanted to make sense - difficult enough to do sober. As James walked through the door, her heart jumped in spite of herself, part fear, part familiarity, part longing for him. He waved and went over to the bar to get himself a drink. I watched him and my heart jumped too, as Ivan followed him in. He came over to me and greeted me with a great big kiss.

  “I missed you,” he murmured.

  “Missed you too.”

  “Hush, he’s coming over now.”

  James brought his pint over to Gigi’s table and sat down. “Well. I’m here. What’s this all about?”

  Gigi had been thinking how to phrase her announcement. When the moment came, she realised her choice of words would not actually make any difference. So she said simply, “I’m pregnant.”

  James’ eyes opened wide and he put his glass down with a snap. “What’s that got to do with me?”

  She felt chilled, but she continued firmly enough, “I’m three months gone. Three months ago we made love at least twice a week.”

  “True, though I wasn't with you every night. How do I know you weren’t seeing someone else as well?”

  Gigi gasped, but Adele had forewarned her. He was taking the easy way out, as predicted. Trust James to run true to form.

  “I give you my word.” She tried to keep her voice calm. “I was under the mistaken impression I loved you.”

  “So I just believe you?”

  “I'm not lying!”

  “You told me you were on the Pill.”

  “I was, but I was ill for a couple of days. The damn thing didn't work properly and you would never wear anything.”

  “Are you saying this is all my fault?”

  Gigi fought back her tears and did not reply. James tapped his fingers on the table, tap, tap, tap. She wanted to smash her glass down on top of them.

  “Can’t you get rid of it?”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “What do you expect me to do, if you don’t need money for an abortion?”

  “I never expected anything. I’m carrying your baby. You’re going to be a father. The least I could do is to tell you.”

  “Did you come here expecting me to be delighted with the news. Then I'd ask you to marry me and we will all live happily ever after?”

  “Nothing of the sort. I believe a child is better of
f with two parents, so you had to be told. It’s up to you now.”

  “Happy Families isn’t going to happen. This is your problem not mine. You said you’d taken precautions or I’d have used a sheath, even though I loathe them. You’re to blame for this mess and I’m not sacrificing my career to get you out of the consequences. I’ve got enough on my plate. I don't need a baby or a girl I haven’t heard from in months.”

  “Unlike the one in Oxford?” The words slipped out before Gigi could stop them and he looked startled.

  “How did you find out about Arabella?”

  “You were seen.”

  “Were you spying on me?”

  “Don’t be stupid. One of my friends went to Oxford and happened to see you together.”

  “She couldn’t wait to get back and tell you, I suppose.”

  “Well you weren’t going to, were you? You said you'd gone to visit your parents that weekend. I put two and two together.”

  “Congratulations, you’ve made four, a first for you, I imagine. In case you’re interested; Arabella is the girl I’m going to marry one day.”

  “Why aren’t you faithful to her, then, if she means so much to you?”

  “I will be, when we’re married. At the moment, we’re both having fun.”

  “That’s all I meant to you - fun?” Gigi tried desperately to keep the hurt out of her voice but she didn’t succeed.

  “I had fun and you said you did too.”

  “I loved you and I believed you loved me!” She flinched at the look in his eyes.

  “I never thought you were serious. I expected you to meet other boyfriends on the days we weren’t together.”

  “I didn’t!”

  He whitened, then snarled, “Prove it.”

  “You know I can’t do that.”

  “Everything’s easy for females - the baby's yours, whatever. If a man sleeps with a woman, the baby might be his or Tom, Dick or Harry’s.”

  “This baby’s yours, I’m telling you. I never two-timed you.” Even as she spoke, Finn slipped into her mind, but she shook the thought angrily away. The baby couldn’t be Finn’s, they hadn’t made love often enough. Yet she had betrayed herself. James’ face changed. His expression became harder and his voice sneered.

  “You would say so, of course, in the circumstances.”

  “It's TRUE!”

  “Rubbish! There was another man. I saw it in your face. You must think I’m a mug. You might have had half a dozen boyfriends and slept with them all. Now you’re pregnant and you need someone to marry you fast. Well, it’s not going to be me. Find some other fool. Perhaps he’ll believe you and do the ‘decent thing’ but not me. You little tramp!”

  Gigi jumped to her feet. “I wouldn’t expect you to know a ‘decent thing’ unless one came up and bit you on the nose. You louse!” She seized her glass and hurled her shandy right into his face. She was gone before he reacted and she left him dripping.

  “She’s lovely when she’s angry,” Ivan murmured appreciatively. “Things are going well. Won’t be long now before we can be together.”

  “No, that’s the only good thing about this mess.” I kissed him goodbye and followed Gigi out.

  14th March 1967, Thursday, later on, London.

  “Well you were right,” Gigi told Adele when she got back to the hostel. The others were waiting up to hear her story.

  “Let me guess.” Adele started to count on her fingers. “One - he said he wasn’t the father. Two - he didn’t want the baby. Three - he wanted you to get rid of it. Four - he didn’t offer you any money. Five - he told you he has no intention of marrying you.”

  “Exactly!” Gigi burst into tears of grief and rage. “The only good part is - just before I left, I flung my shandy into his face.”

  “Great!”

  “He deserved it, the creep!”

  “I can’t give you another, but how about some gin?” offered Adele.

  “Alcohol’s not good for the baby,” put in Jane.

  “I’ll make Gigi’s a little one. Okay?”

  Jane nodded. “What will you do now?” She asked.

  “I’m going to write to my parents. I always knew I would have to. Mom’ll be furious, but she'll help in the end, after she’s torn a large strip off me.”

  “What about your father?”

  “He won’t be pleased. Mom’s the one who makes the decisions in our family. Dad’s away such a lot she’s had to, over the years. He just goes along with whatever she decides.”

  “Shouldn’t you tell Finn before you write to them?” Jane asked. “After all, he might be the father, not James.”

  “He’s right in the middle of studying for his finals. I wouldn’t worry him now, even if I was certain it was him. A month or so isn’t going to make much of a difference. I’ll wait until his exams are over.”

  “When do they finish?”

  “In a few weeks. He said he's doing written tests, followed by practicals. He tells the examiners what’s wrong with the patients, or something like that.”

  “By that time, you won’t need to say anything. He’ll be able to see for himself, you’ll be showing so much.”

  “Well, I can’t any earlier. I’d never forgive myself if he messed up his finals because of me. Anyway what can he do? Once he gets his results, he’s going back to Ireland to work with his uncle. I probably won't ever see him again.”

  “You’ve never thought of marrying him?”

  “I don’t think he’s the marrying type.”

  “What man is?”

  “True,” Maude murmured, “few marriages are made in Heaven, after all.”

  “Oh there have been some,” Leilani protested, with a grin, “mine for instance.”

  “You’re the exception.”

  ‘Maybe not,’ I thought, as I crossed my fingers firmly. I didn’t say the words aloud.

  6th April 1968, Saturday, London.

  Despite his revision, Gigi is still sleeping with Finn. He says having sex helps him think and he desperately needs to use his brain. What a good excuse! Gigi decided to enjoy herself while she can. After all, she can’t get any more pregnant than she is right now. She hasn’t got morning sickness and her bump isn’t showing yet. It has been on the tip of her tongue to tell Finn several times, but she keeps losing her nerve. When she’s with him, she tries to forget the future, knowing this fleeting pleasure will be over far too soon.

  I’m worried about her. I tried a few times to enter her dreams, but she isn’t walking on her beach any more. She doesn’t seem to recognise me anywhere else. She looks through me, as if I’m not real. Neither have I seen Ivan. We seem to need the right setting to meet, when Gigi and James are apart. Ivan told me James is on a rather delicate job at the moment, which he can’t speak about. He's got to be with James all the time. It’s important and the real reason why he’s James’ Guardian. The project is a sort of apprenticeship and, if James makes a success, he’ll go on to bigger and better things. Ivan needs to be on hand so he doesn’t make any silly mistakes. He thinks the job will finish before Gigi’s mother arrives to stir everything up and we can be together again briefly. He’s looking forward to both our jobs ending. He intends to celebrate and says he’s got all sorts of places he wants to show me. I can’t wait!

  When I couldn’t get into Gigi’s dreams, I asked Thelma for advice. She just said, “Give her time and keep trying. She’s afraid she’ll have to go back to Antigua for good now. So she doesn’t want to think about the place, even in her dreams. She’d be happy if she was only going for a holiday, to visit her family and friends. Coming home with a baby and no husband is different. She'll recognise you when she’s ready. The good thing is that she is becoming very fond of Finn. The more time they spend together now, the easier things will be for her later.”

  So I’m just waiting and hoping for the right opportunity. Either Gigi will dream of her beach or accept me somewhere else, fingers crossed. I’m trying to stay upbeat and chee
rful, although I’m lagging behind the others in what I have accomplished so far. Things seem to be working out for both of them at last. Adele is busy saving. Ralph is completely out of her life and she isn’t suffering anymore. Maude is delighted. She goes around singing all the time. Pity she’s out of tune, even to my ear. Leilani is happy, too. Things are moving along behind the scenes and Jane will be having good news, any day now.

  21st April 1968, Sunday, London.

  Uncle Hugh phoned again today. He must be truly ace. Jane came in after speaking to him and her face looked an absolute picture. You could tell she didn’t know whether to be pleased or terrified.

  “Uncle’s persuaded my parents to come to London to meet Tommy,” she said.

  “Good. That’s a start.”

  “Apparently they were relieved when he offered to go with them - to act as a referee was how he put it. Hope we won’t need one.” They are going to stay for the weekend at a hotel down the road from the hostel.

  “I’d like them to meet you while they’re here,” Jane told Adele and Gigi. “I want to show them I have some respectable friends.”

  Both girls snorted. “If you think we’re respectable…” Adele couldn’t finish for laughing.

  “Like me on the prison ship.” Maude murmured.

  “No comment,” responded Leilani.

  Jane put her arms round the others and told them, “You’re the best friends I’ve ever had. We’ve been together for eighteen months, in this rabbit hutch of a room. I can count on one hand the number of quarrels we’ve had. I want my parents to know you, before we all go our separate ways.”

  “They're here to meet Tommy,” Adele pointed out. “Don't inflict us on them as well.”

  “Actually, I think meeting you will help. They always knew my friends at home. We used to run in and out of each others’ houses when I was growing up. I want them to find out about my life in London. Where I live, where I work, who I spend my time with. Surely you two can behave yourselves for a few hours?”

  Adele raised an eyebrow at her and said to Gigi, “Do you think we can manage that?”