Emer's Quest (Manannan Trilogy) Page 11

  “Loki is almost his match. Come riding with me and I’ll show you.”

  “Neither Brina nor Hari would be pleased if I did.”

  “Yet you want to; I can see it in your face.” He would have caught hold of her but she expected some move from him and she twisted away.

  “I love horses and riding but I can’t and won’t upset so many people. Leave me alone, Rolf. I’m married now. What’s the point of all this?”

  “Some day soon you’ll be free to make your own choices and when that day comes, we’ll continue this conversation.”

  “What do you mean?” she almost shrieked but he had already turned away from her, striding out of the stables. He did not look back. She stood staring after him in dismay, her scalp prickling with uneasiness. He had not spoken idle words, she was sure. How could she be free? Unless — something happened to Hari. She leant against the rough wall shaking and feeling sick. Rolf was plotting something and Hari would be his victim.

  That night, when they were alone together, she asked Hari,

  “Is there anyone here who hates you enough to do you harm?”

  He propped himself up on one elbow to look at her. He laughed without mirth. “Do you want a list? I’m not popular, as you know.”

  “I’m not joking or asking you a riddle.” Emer wrapped her arms around her legs to stop herself shivering. “It’s a serious question. I’m scared.”

  “What are you afraid of?”

  “I met your brother when I was coming back today,” she said slowly, wondering exactly what to tell him.

  “Your bad luck. I knew he’d returned. He’s been boasting that his trading went well and he has a lot of silver to add to his hoard. When he’s in that sort of mood he’s ripe for any mischief, so I kept out of his way. I didn’t know he’d met you. Did he insult you?”

  “No, but he said something that worried me. He was trying to flirt with me and I wanted to stop him, so I told him that I was married now. Then he said that some day soon I would be free to make my own choices. What would he mean by that?”

  Hari laughed. “I’m not going to divorce you, if that’s what he thinks.”

  “I don’t think he meant divorce.” She looked at him with frightened eyes.

  Hari grinned. “You’ve let my baby brother scare you. He’s been cultivating that air of menace for years. Everyone one who lives here ignores it, but I suppose it would be frightening to a stranger.”

  “Hari, Rolf’s not a baby any more. He’s a grown man who hates you.”

  “And you think he means to kill me? Rolf’s always disliked me, ever since we were children. He was robust and I was sickly. Twice in our childhood I had fever and wasn’t expected to live, but Rolf never ailed. Because I was the oldest, I did more things than him, but not things he respected. He’s always preferred rough and tumble, fighting and raiding. If we fought, Rolf won. My father would watch and praise him for his victories. I’m not a warrior; I prefer peaceful things which bore Rolf. He scoffs at me, which is why I avoid him. Rolf’s got a terrible temper and he’s done me mischief in the past. I don’t doubt he’ll try to again, if he gets the chance, but it will be small and petty. He’s always coveted anything that was mine, which is why he tries to flirt with you. If you responded, he would tell the world about it, shaming us both. I’m very glad you didn’t.” He smiled and took her hand. “Thank you.”

  “I wouldn’t have Rolf if he was the last man on earth,” Emer said violently. “He makes me sick.”

  “Me too. He’s a bastard but even Rolf would not consider kin-slaying, remember that. He’s not a fool and he knows the law. For all I hate him and he hates me, we are brothers.”

  “You are also Atli’s heir; his eldest son. Hari, be careful. There was a reason behind Rolf’s words, I’m sure of it.”

  “Thank you for your warning, but I’m in no more danger now than I’ve been all my life. Rolf is full of piss and wind but I’ll have a word with him for frightening my wife.”

  “Don’t do that, please. I’m sorry I told you.”

  “I want you to tell me things.”

  “Then, please don’t speak to Rolf. He doesn’t realise how much we talk together and he’s better kept in ignorance. One day it might be important for both of us. Hari — promise me?”

  “I think you’re wrong but if it means that much to you, I promise.”

  Emer breathed a sigh of relief. She must be more careful about what she told him in future. Hari was unpredictable and used to being left alone. Despite the fact that he had more knowledge than she would ever have, he was not observant of the people around him. Things were changing; she could sense it even if he did not. He was not yet in danger but he would be, if Atli died. Rolf and Drifa would see to that. Neither had any love for Hari or for her. She shuddered at the thought. Atli had shown her kindness and respect. He had freed her father and the price she had paid did not seem as difficult now as it had been at the time. She would miss Atli and she hoped fervently that her dream would not come true. She wondered if there was any way she could save him from the death she had foreseen so vividly.

  It was shortly after that conversation that Emer began to be sick in the mornings. At first it was slight and the second time it happened others were sick too. They put the cause down to some meat that tasted off. Emer thought no more about it, until Halla came up to her and asked,

  “How are you?”

  “I’m fine, thank you,” Emer said, surprised that the woman would ask, although she had just been sick again.

  “You don’t look well. You’re as white as snow.” There was a challenge in the woman’s voice and Emer stiffened.

  “What’s it to you if I’m well or not?”

  “It’s my lady’s business and my lord’s if you are carrying Hari’s child.”

  “If I become pregnant, my husband will be the one to tell his parents and they will find out before anyone else.”

  With a curt nod, Emer walked past the woman and back into the longhouse. She was trembling with anger and a tinge of fear. She tried to go back to the spinning she was working on, before she had to hurry out to the privy again. She picked up the spindle but her hands shook so much, she put the work aside.

  She had little knowledge of the signs of pregnancy. Her mother had never quickened during her lifetime. Mappy was well past her childbearing years and she was the only other woman who lived near her home. Emer had not stayed in the larger settlements long enough to witness a human birth. Animals she had seen in plenty, but that was different. She was too embarrassed to speak to Kolla or Blin or any of the older women. Perhaps Freydis would be able to tell her. Freydis was her friend and she knew how to keep a secret.

  “I have something to ask you,” she said when she found Freydis hanging out clothes in front of the fire.

  “I have to get these hung up to dry, they’re wanted. Help me and we can chat while we work.”

  Emer picked up a tunic, hung it over the line and said, “What do you know about childbearing?”

  “Pregnant are you?”

  “I don’t know. I might be. How can you tell if you are?”

  “You’d be better to ask Blin or Vokki. They assist with all the births.”

  “They might talk and I’m not sure if I am. That Vokki has such a mouth on her. I don’t want everyone gossiping until I know. Do you have any idea at all?”

  “I heard you were being sick. That’s one of the signs. The others are missing your courses, tingling breasts and not liking some foods any more. Do you have any of those?”

  Emer cupped her breasts, but they seemed the way they had always been.

  “I have been sick a few times…”

  “What about your monthly bleeding?”

  “It’s late.”

  “Food? My mother used to gag at the scent of mint.”

  “No.”

  “Two out of four. You could be.”

  “So you can’t tell me any more?”

  “No
. You’ll just have to wait. If your bleeding stops for long enough, that’s the most important sign.”

  “Don’t tell anyone I asked, will you?”

  “I won’t. Provided, of course, you don’t tell Njall how much I fancy him.”

  “As if I would!”

  The girls giggled. Privately Emer could see why Freydis liked Njall. He was a handsome blond giant. He was tongue-tied and shy with other women, but not with Freydis. They talked and laughed together. They were old friends but their laughter had a different quality about it.

  Emer had hoped Freydis would have been able to reassure her and she felt disappointed. She would have to wait. From that moment on, it seemed as if all eyes followed her, probing under her robes to find out her secret. This included Drifa, Halla and more importantly, Atli. One evening Hari came to find her, shaking with rage.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked.

  “Come outside away from the wagging ears.”

  She caught up her cloak and walked after him into the cold darkness. They found a corner out of the wind and sat down on a stone, huddling together.

  “Now tell me.”

  “Fadir sent for me. He’s heard the rumour that you’re pregnant and he wanted to know if it was true.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “I lied and said it would be a miracle.”

  “Was that wise? If I am, it might make everything worse.”

  He shrugged. “It’s done now. Why face trouble before we have to? Do you think you are?”

  “I might be. My courses are late and I’ve been sick.”

  Hari fell silent for a while. Then he said, “If you are, the baby must be due about the winter solstice and your body will change soon enough.”

  “Hari, what will we do if I am?”

  “What every young couple does. We’ll tell my parents and send a message to yours. Then we will celebrate.”

  Emer shivered. “I don’t think there’ll be any celebration. Atli won’t be pleased, nor Rolf. I’m afraid of them, Drifa too.”

  “No need. Remember what I said about kin-slaying? We’ve broken no laws; in fact we have obeyed them to the letter.”

  Emer took his hand and squeezed it, but she was not reassured. Trouble was coming. It seemed to be crackling in the air around them and there was nothing they could do to prevent it.

  12

  A few days later, Atli came to Emer and asked her to dream for him once again.

  “Rolf has proposed a voyage to Island, the land of fire and ice. It is a journey I have taken before but it isn’t one to be undertaken lightly. The storms out in the open ocean have been the end of many ships. I would like to know the outcome of this voyage if I can.”

  “Is it important that you go with Rolf?”

  “Yes, I know people there that he doesn’t. He was only a child when I went before. We could make a good profit, if things go well. The Islanders need everything but snow. Cargoes sell for far more in remote places. Rolf wishes me to go with him so we may set up more lasting trading links for the future.”

  “Do you want to go?”

  “I grow old for these ventures but, if success depends on my presence, I can manage one more time at least.”

  “I understand.”

  “Can you dream for me, then? I’ve already sent Rolf to collect the things you need.”

  “Of course and I will hope to see a successful outcome to your voyage.”

  When Atli left her, Emer sat staring into the embers of the fire, alone with her thoughts and her fears. It had been too much to wish for that Atli would not ask her to dream again. She could not refuse without revealing her secret. She was still not sure of her pregnancy but her breasts tingled and her sickness continued. She had started to take a husk of dry bread to her sleeping place, to nibble on in the mornings. Freydis had told her of this trick and it seemed to help.

  If she was with child, would the fumes harm the baby, she wondered. Would she be able to see anything at all? Her mother and great-grandmother had lost their powers after they bore children, but when did their visions stop? Was it in the early stages of pregnancy or after the child had been born? Why oh why was Niamh not here to tell her?

  When she talked about her fears to Hari that evening, he said,

  “You must choose whether we speak to my father or you go ahead and dream.”

  “How can I tell him? I’m not yet sure although it seems likely. If I inhale the fumes what might they do to the baby?”

  “Who knows?”

  “My mother would be able to tell me, but she isn’t here. What would you like me to do? It’s your child too.”

  “I want you to take the course that suits you best. This is for you to decide. Whatever decision you make, I will stand with you.”

  Hari’s support was welcome, but Emer was still undecided when Atli came to her next morning.

  “Everything has been fetched for you. Are you ready to begin?” he asked.

  Her courage failed her and she answered, “Yes, of course.”

  Rolf was waiting for them with the soils she had used before. Emer thought he looked uncomfortable but she was surprised when he said,

  “Does Emer need to do this, Fadir? I’m sure this voyage will be successful without her help and will be the beginning of many great things for our family.”

  “I would be certain,” Atli said. “Emer’s ability can give us knowledge on which to act. After all it is why I persuaded her to come to Skuy. What good is her gift if it is never used? Come Rolf, we will return once Emer has finished here.”

  “I will send a message to you when I am about to begin my dreaming.”

  Emer’s doubts continued, while she was preparing the mixture but she could not draw back. When Atli came to check whether she was ready, she asked,

  “Please would you and Hari be here with me when my dream ends?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I might need you.” She said no more, but promptly spread the powder on the fire and lay down on her pallet, before she could lose her nerve.

  Immediately she spiralled down through the swirling colours. Hands caught her and she felt a freezing kiss on her forehead. Her grandfather’s voice said,

  “Welcome, Emer.”

  She returned his hug even though her arms were chilled. “I am so pleased to see you, Afi.”

  His hand smoothed her hair, making little strands stand on end.

  “You have hard times before you and much danger to survive.”

  “I may be with child. Can the purple fumes affect an unborn baby?” Emer blurted out her fear.

  “No, but other things can do so. You will need all your courage, to do as you must.”

  “I’m afraid for Hari. Is he in danger?”

  “Yes. His fate hangs on your decision.”

  “Help me to make the right choice, Afi.”

  “That I cannot do, but come; I have things to show you which may be useful to you and our time is short.”

  “I was afraid I would not be able to see anything today because I am no longer a virgin. Atli would be so cross.”

  “Be warned, when you bear children, your powers will vanish. Even now, your sight will be veiled. None of your children will inherit our gift and it will be many generations before the power to see into the future returns to your line. May it give you the help you need for one last time.”

  Colours swirled before her until Emer stood in the middle of a smoky longhouse. As her grandfather has predicted, it was as if she looked through a billowing white mist. She peered into the cloud and made out the shapes of two men who were violently quarrelling. Another man and a young girl watched them. The veil lifted for a moment and Emer realised, with a feeling of pity, that the girl was marked down the right side of her face. Her skin was yellow and puckered, as if a flaming brand had been drawn across it. It reminded Emer of the scars on her father’s arm where the Red Lady had deliberately burned him in order to save his life. One of th
e arguing men she knew — Rolf. Then the other turned and she recognised him before the veil covered him again. Rolf was arguing with his father, Atli.

  “Why are they fighting?” Emer asked, not really expecting an explanation.

  “Atli wants Rolf to marry the young girl and remain on Island. He doesn’t want to do so.”

  “Why does Atli want him to?”

  “Her father is the richest man on Island, and he has no other children, so the girl is a good match. Rolf is also becoming difficult to handle and Atli wishes to keep him away from Skuy, at least for the present. Rolf has questioned his authority too many times lately.”

  “Poor girl, to watch them fight over her. What a terrible life she will have with a man who so emphatically does not want her.”

  “It happened to you, did it not? Yet you found peace in your choice.”

  “I did and I wish her the same.”

  “Don’t fret for her. This marriage will not happen, but the proposal is Atli’s death warrant. Rolf will never trust him again. Watch.”

  The mist swirled over her sight and then the colour changed. They were in a shelter aboard a plunging ship. A man lay writhing on some low bales. Rolf stood beside him watching, but making no effort to help. Emer started forward with an exclamation, as she saw the sufferer’s face but her grandfather said,

  “You can’t help him. It’s his time to go.”

  “He has been good to me.”

  “He will feast tonight with his ancestors in Valhalla. Watch the young one.”

  The writhing quietened and Atli lay still. For a long moment, Rolf did nothing and then he stooped and held the blade of his dagger beneath Atli’s nose. No breath came to mark the metal. Rolf smiled, then he threw back his head and howled, so his men came running. Tears poured from his eyes and he seized his sword, holding it aloft.

  “Feast well, Fadir. Remember me to those who sit at your table,” he shouted and then he tossed the sword away. He covered his face with his hands and his shoulders shook as if he was weeping but Emer knew that his actions were false.

  “Come,” her grandfather said. “Another vision I give to you and then we must part.”

  They rose from the shadows and came into a clearing where a round hut had been built. Emer smiled as she watched herself sitting on a log, a laughing baby on her knee. Three other children played with a wooden ball nearby. They all had dark hair and eyes that reminded her of Finnr by their shape.